God is an Elected Position (Short Story)

God is an elected position. God that is the current one told me this personally this summer.

If you encountered God you would think that this is a person from another planet. And you would be correct. We call our planet earth. I was told that this is because of an identity hang up. Their planet has no name. They simply refer to it as home. God has met many on earth. Most people, like me will not be believed. But I am compelled to tell the story.

There was a time on the planet earth when man was not here. The highest form of intelligence was what we now call Neanderthals. We continue to look in vain for a missing link that is not there; a link that would join man and the Neanderthals. God created man “in his own image” by introducing his own genes into the Neanderthals. This would explain how man went from a creature that created crude paintings on cave walls using crushed flower petals and animal fat to being sophisticated pyramid builders in the wink of a geological eye.

But why would God want to do this? And just who was he, anyway?

God created man so that he could have a slave race. His game plan was to pick the finest, strongest and most intelligent of us to be slaves on his planet. He expected this to get him re-elected over and over. Unfortunately for him, slavery was outlawed on his planet shortly after and each successive head of state has inherited the burden of keeping an eye on this monster that their predecessor created. They cannot allow us to progress too far in our quest for knowledge lest we become a threat to them.

God was the head of state on his planet, duly elected in a democratic manner. Judging by the Ten Commandments, I believe that at least the first God was a conservative. There have been a great many since.

God told Moses, “Thou shalt have no other Gods before me.” If there was not a possibility of more Gods, why would he need to say this?

One of the major tasks facing each new head of state on their planet is listening to man’s ridiculous prayers and requests. But it is a requirement of the job. Oh, yes, make no mistake about it; God is tuned in to us. The words modern technology as we use them would not even cover a teething ring in the hands of one of their babies.

I spent several months this summer in the wilds of northwestern Ontario, primarily for the solitude. God stopped by one day, landing a saucer shaped craft in a clearing near the cabin in which I stayed. We had a great conversation in which we freely exchanged ideas. I discovered that oral speech was not needed because of God’s capacity for telepathic communication. I can assure you of one thing. She is a great lady.

 

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